Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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