Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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