Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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