I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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