Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
