i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
