If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
