Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i was born a porn star she said
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
