I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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