i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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