I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
