too bad you live with your parents still
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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