Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
