I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
