porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
