She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
