I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize