Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
