is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dicks are not precious.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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