I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
