We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There are leaves in my underwear?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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