i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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