You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
