Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you win again, gameday.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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