are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
