I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
