I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
