I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
