there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
