in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
