Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
