Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
