I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
