This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
