real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
