3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Pants are for mortals
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
