how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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