remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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