So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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