you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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