I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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