it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
