If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
