I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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