i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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