How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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