stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
