ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
