If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
