I'm gonna have a badass scar
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
