Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
What drink are we having for lunch?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
