why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
