his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
