im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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