we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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