Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
