Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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