i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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