OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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