I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
