it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
