Im at strip club and am horny
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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