Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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