you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
