I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He better not be in your backpack
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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