ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I am one with the molecules
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
