You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
