A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
