mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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