I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
